Tuesday, May 11, 2010

things i've learned

1) If you can't afford expensive sheets, buy cheaper ones in "sateen". They feel just as nice! I found a king set for $20 at a discount store and love love Love them!

2) If you don't feel good on the inside, make yourself look good on the outside. It cheers you up psychologically and also makes you feel less sick (if you are under the weather).

3) Never keep a compliment to yourself. No matter who it is, if I see, say, a pair of earrings that I like, I make sure to share my appreciation with the person wearing them.

4) If it isn't worth divorcing over, then it isn't worth arguing over. I learned this little bit of wisdom a LONG time ago, but @mommyneedsmeds put it perectly into those words.

5) Your child will never be this exact age again. Cherish each and every moment, and record those memories!!!

6) Which brings me to the next point: go ahead and splurge on that good camera. All things considered, you probably end up spending more on fast food, coffee, or manicures each year than the price of a nice DSLR. Cut out a few luxuries and BUY THAT CAMERA!

7) Say "I love you" to everyone you love, every time you see or talk to them. It makes you feel good, it makes them feel good, and you never know if/when you might have the chance again.

What other things would you add to this list?


Monday, May 10, 2010

diaper dance

I know you have all been eagerly waiting for an update on my awesome bladder and hoo ha (what? You haven't???!)
And here it is:

I thought I was doing better. I got settled into the routine of going to the bathroom at set times in the day (and when my awesome twitter friends @Avalea, @grace134, and @culturalsavage remind me "go pee!")
Then I started having pain. Again. :(
I thought it was where they stitched me up when they removed Ursula (my former uterine frenemy), so I made a same day appt with a new ObGyn.
Long story short, she found an open wound/sore, and cauterized it for me.
Another 3 wks of healing.

But that wasn't the end of it. I've had MORE pain in my lower abdomen, which has gotten increasingly worse over the past week. Fun, right?
The Gyn told me that the pain is coming from my bladder and urethra. Go figure.
It's getting so bad at night that I'm having trouble sleeping. And if you know me at all, you know that I already have terrible problems with insomnia. :(
Luckily I have an appt scheduled with my urologist this Thurs. I'll be getting a cystoscopy done (camera in my bladder) to check for damage from all the catheterization and balloon bursting in my bladder.
Say that 10 times fast.

I'm just tired of these problems.
I'm tired of the fact that I'm now leaking urine at the most random of times.

Yes, I am leaking. I'm hoping (I think) that I just have a bad bladder infection and a round of antibiotics will do the trick.

The sad part? Since I can't even feel my bladder, I don't have any symptoms of an infection (if that is even what it is).


That about sums it up!

On a brighter note, I had a fantastic mother's day with my family. My little girl is walking and talking and growing up soooo fast.
I'm so lucky to be able to spend all day every day with her.

I wouldn't trade that for anything. :)


Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Mother's Day

i pic'd these flowers for mother's day

Friday, May 7, 2010

mirror mirror...

I've been reflecting a lot on my anxiety lately. Not for any negative reasons, but because of how many people I encounter in real life, through blogging, or twitter, that have the same issues.
There are so many different kinds of anxiety (as well as reasons for it), that it shouldn't be a surprise at the large number of people that I have found with panic attacks or other anxieties.
It is so nice to talk to other people who have experienced the same problems. You feel less alone in dealing with them, you learn new methods of coping with the triggers, and you feel understood.
This got me thinking.
As you all know, BlogHer '10 is coming up in a few months, and "we" will all be converging in one place.
What better time to get a group of "us" together to meet, discuss our anxieties, or just listen to other people's stories.

I already have a few women interested in getting together for this purpose.

If you are also interested in meeting up over drinks (or elsewhere, depending upon the size of the group), please let me know.
If someone you know might be interested, please link them here.
Also, if anybody wants to contact me privately, feel free to email me at:



Thursday, May 6, 2010

it's all downhill from here

I remember a time when my anxiety was not managed AT ALL. I remember it, but cannot believe that I was able to function then, let alone live through it, day to day.
I'm sure I have mentioned how at my worst, I was unable to leave my apartment, from fear that people would see/look at me. I couldn't go to any store, bank, or restaurant. I used to drink before attending ANY type of social event. It was the only way I could manage.
But at the peak of my anxiety, I would get panic attacks at the most random of times and places.
During that peak, my best friend and I spent a few months driving around the country, staying with friends, camping out, or sleeping in his car. We were poor, but had a plan to make it to san francisco so he could hop on a plane back to japan, and I would fly back home.
I'll never forget this one afternoon: I was driving, it was about 95 degrees out, and we were almost in St. Louis, where we were going to attend the largest street art fair in the country. The speed limit was somewhere around 70, but all of a sudden, we started to go down a hill and I had to let off the gas. My bff noticed that I was slowing down dramatically, and the people behind us were laying on their horns in irritation.
He asked me what was wrong.
I had but one answer: we're going to die.
I was sure of it. Out of the blue, I had a full blown, paralyzing panic attack, and could do nothing to stop it.
I was about to throw up and pass out at the same time, and knew that once I did, it would be over for us.
My bff talked me into slowing even more and pulling over before things got worse.
And we were fine.
I was fine.
He never mentioned the incident again,
but when I remember the worst of my anxiety, I remember feeling that sense of utter dread and impending doom like it was just yesterday.

And I never want to feel like that again.