Friday, March 5, 2010

ok this is going to be totally gross

seriously. it is. i don't even know why i am blogging about this. but i guess it's because it is the thing most on my mind these days.


i've been doing a lot of it.


ever since my surgery, i've had to go like 5 times a day. and these aren't easy poops either. they are omg help me my intestines are being ripped to shreds by barbed wire poops.

no fun

it happens before i have to go, and usually stops right after.

the main problem? i have literally had such paralyzing pain from things moving around, that i haven't been able to move. ok, well i probably CAN move, but it hurts so much, i don't want to move. better?

(what? you want truth here? sheesh. it's poop for gosh sakes)

anyways, it hurts so much that i am paralyzed (ha) to the point where i think i might crap my pants. like no joke crap my pants. like: maybe i'll relieve a little bit of pressure oh god oh no what is that warmth ok it's just some air phew!

i've had some prettttyyy close calls, folks. but i'm proud to say that i haven't had an accident yet.

problemo numero dos: i constantly feel like i have an outtie bumhole. i myself have never know these outties to exist, but my friend Ryan assures me that they do occur naturally in the wild.

I think it is kind of gross that he knows this, but who am i to judge? i'm blogging about poop.

i don't really HAVE an outtie down there, but it is SO uncomfortable to sit on anything, anywhere. i have to use a donut. you know, one of those blow up plastic things that pregnant, post-pregnant, or old people use? yeah. cuz they have hemorrhoids? yeah, that one.

well, i don't have hemorrhoids, but it sure as hell feels like it.

(again stretching the truth here cuz i don't know what hemorrhoids feel like, but i'm CERTAIN that this is what they would feel like. but worse)

no, i'm not being dramatic.


so yeah - i get to wait TWO MONTHS to see how things heal and move around down there before we take a gander inside of my bladder, cuz i still have no idea when i need to pee.

the term is "urgency"

i don't have any urgency. i only have urgency to void my bladder (so technical!) when i see my abdomen pooched out.

party trick?

maybe not.

k i either lost my mind or am very tired.

thanks for reading about my poops.


  1. LOL you know? I knew.. for some odd.. reason that you'd eventually blog about poop.. And most likely.. I think you do have hemorrhoids.. I had them like forever after N was born. like the whole following year... it feels.. totally weird and I send the Husband out to buy those pads.. shut up.. LOL Im way too embarrassed to buy them myself!

  2. man alive woman. i feel sorry for you and your bumhole and everything going on there. STILL. hugs.

  3. oh ouch... girl I am so sorry. I hope things heal quickly... hoping your are not in as much pain.. luv you girly....=-)

  4. Jesus woman. So not cool. Your insides need to get their shit together. You know what I mean.

  5. Poop and pee and everything nice, that is what Sara is made of. hee hee

    I have a donut. When my 2nd kid was born (1986) during the birth his very large shoulders snapped my tail bone. It never healed right. Even now, if I am going to sit in a hard chair for long? I need my donut. I am cool like that.

  6. Oh my sweet friend, can we just say that I'm glad you haven't had an accident. I have before. Not that long ago, in fact. My digestive tract is a bit of a mess post-gallbladder removal. And I thought I was tooting. And that warm feeling? not air. So don't feel bad!! I'm sorry you're in pain :(

  7. Okay, that's so not grossing me out. I've had the hemorrhoids before and they are unpleasant to a crazy degree. We (my husband and I) named mine because it was external. It just couldn't stand not being in my butt's spotlight, I guess. So that was totally awesome, at 7 months pregnant. I just wanted to tell you that i'm part of the club, and I am here to support you and your "little friend". Not really your little friend, but whatever.

  8. you have roids fot sure. They don't have to be OUT to be roids... trust me... no seriously.... trust me.... TRUST ME!! LOL... funny story though had me giggling at the poop talk! LOL Thanks I needed that!