seriously. it is. i don't even know why i am blogging about this. but i guess it's because it is the thing most on my mind these days.
i've been doing a lot of it.
ever since my surgery, i've had to go like 5 times a day. and these aren't easy poops either. they are omg help me my intestines are being ripped to shreds by barbed wire poops.
it happens before i have to go, and usually stops right after.
the main problem? i have literally had such paralyzing pain from things moving around, that i haven't been able to move. ok, well i probably CAN move, but it hurts so much, i don't want to move. better?
(what? you want truth here? sheesh. it's poop for gosh sakes)
anyways, it hurts so much that i am paralyzed (ha) to the point where i think i might crap my pants. like no joke crap my pants. like: maybe i'll relieve a little bit of pressure oh god oh no what is that warmth ok it's just some air phew!
i've had some prettttyyy close calls, folks. but i'm proud to say that i haven't had an accident yet.
problemo numero dos: i constantly feel like i have an outtie bumhole. i myself have never know these outties to exist, but my friend Ryan assures me that they do occur naturally in the wild.
I think it is kind of gross that he knows this, but who am i to judge? i'm blogging about poop.
i don't really HAVE an outtie down there, but it is SO uncomfortable to sit on anything, anywhere. i have to use a donut. you know, one of those blow up plastic things that pregnant, post-pregnant, or old people use? yeah. cuz they have hemorrhoids? yeah, that one.
well, i don't have hemorrhoids, but it sure as hell feels like it.
(again stretching the truth here cuz i don't know what hemorrhoids feel like, but i'm CERTAIN that this is what they would feel like. but worse)
no, i'm not being dramatic.
so yeah - i get to wait TWO MONTHS to see how things heal and move around down there before we take a gander inside of my bladder, cuz i still have no idea when i need to pee.
the term is "urgency"
i don't have any urgency. i only have urgency to void my bladder (so technical!) when i see my abdomen pooched out.
k i either lost my mind or am very tired.
thanks for reading about my poops.