Saturday, March 6, 2010

Part Deux: a poem

My eyes close to the sound of red in the rain

Mull, eyes dark: Stave the banished carcass full

The sun sparkles, and sprinkles not the rain

I see before me an incredible pull...

Mardi and Mike and Michael

Conversation with drugged me the day after my surgery:

Bf: It's Fat Tuesday today.

Me: No wonder I'm in an eating mood.

Conversation with bf while he is sleeping and snoring away:

Me: roll over

Bf: I'm not a dog.

Me: roll over

Bf: I just did (he totally didn't but thought maybe he could trick me?)

Me: snoring!!!

Bf: Where's my wallet?

Me: What?

Bf: I can't find my wallet (he says that one all the time)

Me: roll over



Bf: down there? (pointing to foot of bed)

Me: *snicker*

Me: *finally puts earplugs in*


Bf: you know, you really shouldn't wear earplugs at night. what if an attacker comes to the door?

Hee hee an attacker. Ok totally not funny cuz I had Mike Myers doppelganger lurking around our house and windows the other day. Or is it Michael Myers? Cuz I mean the scary holding the knife one. Not the comedic big grin Wayne's World guy.

He can lurk outside of my door any day.

I have earplugs.

Friday, March 5, 2010

ok this is going to be totally gross

seriously. it is. i don't even know why i am blogging about this. but i guess it's because it is the thing most on my mind these days.


i've been doing a lot of it.


ever since my surgery, i've had to go like 5 times a day. and these aren't easy poops either. they are omg help me my intestines are being ripped to shreds by barbed wire poops.

no fun

it happens before i have to go, and usually stops right after.

the main problem? i have literally had such paralyzing pain from things moving around, that i haven't been able to move. ok, well i probably CAN move, but it hurts so much, i don't want to move. better?

(what? you want truth here? sheesh. it's poop for gosh sakes)

anyways, it hurts so much that i am paralyzed (ha) to the point where i think i might crap my pants. like no joke crap my pants. like: maybe i'll relieve a little bit of pressure oh god oh no what is that warmth ok it's just some air phew!

i've had some prettttyyy close calls, folks. but i'm proud to say that i haven't had an accident yet.

problemo numero dos: i constantly feel like i have an outtie bumhole. i myself have never know these outties to exist, but my friend Ryan assures me that they do occur naturally in the wild.

I think it is kind of gross that he knows this, but who am i to judge? i'm blogging about poop.

i don't really HAVE an outtie down there, but it is SO uncomfortable to sit on anything, anywhere. i have to use a donut. you know, one of those blow up plastic things that pregnant, post-pregnant, or old people use? yeah. cuz they have hemorrhoids? yeah, that one.

well, i don't have hemorrhoids, but it sure as hell feels like it.

(again stretching the truth here cuz i don't know what hemorrhoids feel like, but i'm CERTAIN that this is what they would feel like. but worse)

no, i'm not being dramatic.


so yeah - i get to wait TWO MONTHS to see how things heal and move around down there before we take a gander inside of my bladder, cuz i still have no idea when i need to pee.

the term is "urgency"

i don't have any urgency. i only have urgency to void my bladder (so technical!) when i see my abdomen pooched out.

party trick?

maybe not.

k i either lost my mind or am very tired.

thanks for reading about my poops.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Something to remember

Education ... has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.

-G.M. Trevelyan

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

The sickbed isn't so sick anymore =]

Under Pressure

I'm so not in the mood to write tonight....or I'll just do a quick recap of the past few days:

1) I found out that I lost my job.

2) My catheter was continuously hurting me (think stabby bladder pain) so I googled "how to remove a Foley catheter" and did just that.

3) After anxiously awaiting the urge to pee (to see if I'd have to go to the ER to get a new cath put in), I decided to sit down and try it anyways.

4) I PEED!!!!

5) I did the happy dance.

6) Then I realized that I no longer could feel the urge to pee. At all. Ever.

7) Took the happy dance back.

8) If I am able to be ready by March 9, I can start a new job that I previously interviewed for. I would be lead teacher at a nearby preschool. And I can bring Chloe.

9) I'M REALLY TRYING TO GET BETTER. I'm really nervous I won't be ready.

10) I go to my next urology appt. this Thursday. Until then, I just have to keep going pee on a schedule, or else I have a lot of pain AFTER I go. Weird.

11) I won't even start on the pooping subject. I have never gone so much in a single day, nor have I ever had so much pain in my large intestine before.


*** thanks again to my family and friends for helping me through all this nonsense. Keith's parents have been amazing with Chloe, as usual, and have done so much to allow me to rest when I needed it most. thank you so much for always being there. ***