Monday, December 7, 2009

The post about not posting

I don't know how so many of you post something new every day. I guess you just have the writing gene. =) I have a different kind of writing gene. The nerdy kind. The one that allows me to write dozens and dozens of pages on the driest subjects ever, like Spinoza's mathematical proof of the existence of God. I actually had fun with that one.

But I just can't sit down and write for the sake of writing.

I feel like I should post more often, to chronicle certain events and milestones, but I just don't have the drive.

I attended Blog it Forward this past Thursday, a benefit for Anissa thrown by Chef's Widow. I should be writing about how Chef's Widow and I were best friends in grade school, lost contact with each other, and reconnected through twitter and blogs. Thursday was the first time I had seen her in almost 16 years. Yeah. But I just can't seem to find the time or energy to write about it.

I should be posting how this benefit raised over a thousand dollars for Anissa. Which is amazing, and makes me feel very proud of my city. And I'm a girl who really has very little pride in Cleveland. Well, I didn't. I'm learning to. Reading Chef's Widow's blog has a lot to do with that.

I should be writing posts about my baby girl. About how amazing she is. About how grown up she is already. How it makes me so happy and so sad at the same time to see her almost walking. WALKING!

But I have too much to do. SO much to do. I never find time to sit down and write about it.

And I'm afraid that I'm not going to remember.

One of the side effects of the anti-anxiety meds that I take is poor memory. I have SUCH an awful time remembering all sorts of things. Important things, silly thing, trivial things. But those little factoids are the things that I love to remember. That I fondly look back on...that help me to remember what something felt like...smelled like...all the emotions involved.

Sometimes I feel like my memory is getting worse and worse every day. I don't know if it is just me, or if it is the meds. Or maybe a combination of both.

It's fun when I can reread old books and still be surprised at the end, but I worry that I'm not going to remember these days with my baby girl. I have taken so many pictures so far, but with the move, my camera hasn't been charged, so I've not chronicled her life in the past few months, other than by cell phone.

I have asked the bf for a flip cam for xmas. I'm hoping that I get one so I can record all my favorite moments with my girl. Her cheesy smile. How she loves to kick and splash in the bathtub. The face she makes right before she sneezes. I even want to remember how she does a silent open mouthed cry in the middle of the night before the big WAHHHH! comes out. =)

She is my everything, and I don't want to forget even one second of one minute of one hour of one day with her.

I love her.

So I will try to write. I'll tell stories about our day. Our night. How she cried a big silent cry before the big WAHHHH! came out. And then we can both look back on the stories and smile.



  1. Haha I love the silent "charge up" before a cry. Reading that totally reminded me of Fury when he was a baby. I forgot he did that. Which means my memory is as sharp as yours.

  2. It's hard to make time to do a lot of things. Life is always on the go. I find myself already forgetting things. Set a little bit of time aside at least once a week for you to do that or send yourself a text when she does something. You can record it later when you have a bit of time.

  3. I know what you mean. I wish that I had written on the backs of all the pictures that I have from all the places I've been. Sometimes I look at them and I'm all WTF?! Who is THAT?! Which kinda sucks because I spent SOOO much time with some of these people and I never want to forget them. But I do.

  4. I know what cha mean about writing, I don't do it either. My memory is bad too...maybe it's the pills! Btw, I love diamonds and lip gloss!

  5. I totally understand. It amazes me how people come up with SO MUCH to write about. I always feel like.. you know.. I just don't have that much to say.. so here.. have a photo. :) I love reading your words, though, and hearing about Chloe. I hope you'll find the time to share more of you both with us. :)

  6. sweetie you write so well too. you should write more about your life because i love to read about it. you have such a light around you and seeing you and how you are with chloe in's awesome. she's an amazing baby...our baby's are going to be best friends whenever we see eachother when i'm back in OH. we'll tell their stories together :) xo

  7. i hear you love. and i'm here for you. xoxo.

  8. i had no clue that anti-anxiety meds aided in memory loss. now i have an excuse. i think.

  9. I'm so glad we reconnected! Crazy blogs!

    fyi you totally just wrote to write


  10. gorillabuns - ya, they are awful when it comes to memory loss, both short and long term. i'm like an alzheimers patient these days.

    CW - me too! Now let's keep up with it and get together now and again ;) And yeah, I know. I'm awesome like that.

  11. Colleen (messponential) shared a great tip with me last night because we were talking about this exact thing. Wanting to capture the moments from the kids, but not always having the time. She puts notes in her Google calendar of things they said or did, milestones reached, events, stuff like that. Then when she has time, she can flip through the calendar and she has all the notes to remind her and she can write based on those. I thought that was pure genius. Because I don't even take anti-anxiety meds and I'm lucky if I can remember my name some mornings.