But I just can't sit down and write for the sake of writing.
I feel like I should post more often, to chronicle certain events and milestones, but I just don't have the drive.
I attended Blog it Forward this past Thursday, a benefit for Anissa thrown by Chef's Widow. I should be writing about how Chef's Widow and I were best friends in grade school, lost contact with each other, and reconnected through twitter and blogs. Thursday was the first time I had seen her in almost 16 years. Yeah. But I just can't seem to find the time or energy to write about it.
I should be posting how this benefit raised over a thousand dollars for Anissa. Which is amazing, and makes me feel very proud of my city. And I'm a girl who really has very little pride in Cleveland. Well, I didn't. I'm learning to. Reading Chef's Widow's blog has a lot to do with that.
I should be writing posts about my baby girl. About how amazing she is. About how grown up she is already. How it makes me so happy and so sad at the same time to see her almost walking. WALKING!
But I have too much to do. SO much to do. I never find time to sit down and write about it.
And I'm afraid that I'm not going to remember.
One of the side effects of the anti-anxiety meds that I take is poor memory. I have SUCH an awful time remembering all sorts of things. Important things, silly thing, trivial things. But those little factoids are the things that I love to remember. That I fondly look back on...that help me to remember what something felt like...smelled like...all the emotions involved.
Sometimes I feel like my memory is getting worse and worse every day. I don't know if it is just me, or if it is the meds. Or maybe a combination of both.
It's fun when I can reread old books and still be surprised at the end, but I worry that I'm not going to remember these days with my baby girl. I have taken so many pictures so far, but with the move, my camera hasn't been charged, so I've not chronicled her life in the past few months, other than by cell phone.
I have asked the bf for a flip cam for xmas. I'm hoping that I get one so I can record all my favorite moments with my girl. Her cheesy smile. How she loves to kick and splash in the bathtub. The face she makes right before she sneezes. I even want to remember how she does a silent open mouthed cry in the middle of the night before the big WAHHHH! comes out. =)
She is my everything, and I don't want to forget even one second of one minute of one hour of one day with her.
I love her.
So I will try to write. I'll tell stories about our day. Our night. How she cried a big silent cry before the big WAHHHH! came out. And then we can both look back on the stories and smile.