Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Be my guest

Sometimes you just need to let it out.  Vent.  Speak your mind.

I blog when I can't talk, need time to think of the right words, or have to spew forth the thoughts running through my head.

Some friends don't blog, but need that same outlet. 

I open my page to anybody who just needs to have their voices heard.  

Libertygirlie, a fellow mommy tweeter, sent me the following:

Beautiful Sun

Beautiful Water 

Somehow when my mother named my sister and me, she knew. Before we had even had a chance to show her the tiniest bit of our personalities, she understood them just right. 

My sister is like the sun. Fierce, strong, fiery. Her life has always been intense and, at times, out of control. She's passionate and highly emotional. 

I'm more laid back. Calm and constant like the tide of the ocean on a quiet day with no breeze. Mostly I just go with the flow. 

It's hard to be her sister sometimes. Like the times when she's out-of-control-angry, and her temper can be quite scary even if her anger is directed at someone else. Or when she's depressed and extremely needy, calling in the middle of the night crying and hysterical. Or when she ignores/doesn't return my phone calls, e-mails and text messages, and I wonder, "What did I do? Or not do? Did I say something that pissed her off? Is she going to just stop talking to me and cut me out of her life without a word like I've seen her do to countless other family members and friends? Was that last phone call really the last phone call? Is she even still alive???" 

And yes, when it's been weeks since I have actually heard my sister's voice on the phone, I really do seriously worry if she's still alive. Because of things she's told me during those late night hysterical phone calls. Things like, "I just want to die, I've thought of killing myself" or, during her recent, temporary split from her almost ex-husband, "Well if I die you'll know that he killed me." 

It's been so long now that I don't even remember the last time I talked to her or what we talked about. I finally got a few texts from her tonight saying she just didn't feel like talking. The wording just wasn't her style. Something is wrong. And I'm worried. 

My imagination is running wild, and then I tell myself I'm probably just overreacting. This is probably just her being crazy and selfish and herself. I'm just overreacting, and she's fine, right? 



  1. I have so been there and go there still with my drug addicted sister and her drug addicted, wife beating, scum bag husband. It's such an awful feeling not knowing.
    Sometimes I would tell her "Too bad, you have to talk to me, you are hurting me too"
    It doesn't always work though. You have to go with your gut. That's what I do. If you are really worried, try to do something about it. No matter what it sounds like she needs long term help of some kind. I hope she lets you help her.
    I know how wearing it can be to have such a roller coaster relationship. Sending tons of love and hugs to you. I am always available if you need me. <3 you lady. (@masmom)

  2. I'm sure it is just your mind working on overdrive. I'm sure she's fine. Hugs

    I have a brother who does the same thing to my mind. He is depressed and has mentioned suicide. It scares the crap out of me when I don't hear from him. Sometimes being part of a family is really tough.

  3. Do what your instinct tells you. Especially when it comes to family. The intuition that family members share between one another is something that shouldn't be ignored.

  4. I know the feeling the hot and cold treatment of a sibling. But you still love them because they are your family. The important thing is that you are there for her.....