Somehow when my mother named my sister and me, she knew. Before we had even had a chance to show her the tiniest bit of our personalities, she understood them just right.
My sister is like the sun. Fierce, strong, fiery. Her life has always been intense and, at times, out of control. She's passionate and highly emotional.
I'm more laid back. Calm and constant like the tide of the ocean on a quiet day with no breeze. Mostly I just go with the flow.
It's hard to be her sister sometimes. Like the times when she's out-of-control-angry, and her temper can be quite scary even if her anger is directed at someone else. Or when she's depressed and extremely needy, calling in the middle of the night crying and hysterical. Or when she ignores/doesn't return my phone calls, e-mails and text messages, and I wonder, "What did I do? Or not do? Did I say something that pissed her off? Is she going to just stop talking to me and cut me out of her life without a word like I've seen her do to countless other family members and friends? Was that last phone call really the last phone call? Is she even still alive???"
And yes, when it's been weeks since I have actually heard my sister's voice on the phone, I really do seriously worry if she's still alive. Because of things she's told me during those late night hysterical phone calls. Things like, "I just want to die, I've thought of killing myself" or, during her recent, temporary split from her almost ex-husband, "Well if I die you'll know that he killed me."
It's been so long now that I don't even remember the last time I talked to her or what we talked about. I finally got a few texts from her tonight saying she just didn't feel like talking. The wording just wasn't her style. Something is wrong. And I'm worried.
My imagination is running wild, and then I tell myself I'm probably just overreacting. This is probably just her being crazy and selfish and herself. I'm just overreacting, and she's fine, right?