Wednesday, July 1, 2009

nothing to see here...


I haven't felt much like writing lately.  Things have been changing so much, which adds to my anxiety levels like you wouldn't believe.  The added anxiety (along w/ inadequate thyroid meds) made me quite a bit depressed, so yup....silent Sara.

Molly (who I nanny for) lost her job.  Actually, she got fired for being pregnant, and is suing the company.  Regardless, I no longer have a job with them.  Sure, I'll fill in now and again, but no steady work.

Luckily a new job opportunity presented itself - nannying - and I'll make A LOT more money, but I do NOT like change.  Well, not true.  I like SOME change.  Moving to a new house, moving to a new state, going on vacation, buying new furniture...these kinds of change are GOOD.
Starting a new job, stopping for gas at a new gas station, having to use (and find) the bathroom at a new bar....SCARY changes.

I've been known to "hold it" if I can't see the bathroom in plain sight.  There's just something about wandering around, not knowing where the bathroom is that freaks me out.

Chloe's been great for my anxiety, though.  As long as I have her with me, things are a lot easier to deal with.  I can distract myself by talking to her.  

This wasn't the case, however, when I took her to the new doctor for the first time.  She was a sleep, I was full from lunch, and I had to enter a new building and locate a new office inside.  When I finally found it, I spent the entire visit looking around for the closest garbage can, just in case I needed to throw up.  Yes, throw up from the anxiety.  I DO have Klonapin and Xanax to help me through these situations (on top of my high dose Zoloft), but I need to take such a large amount, I don't like taking them when I have to drive Chloe around after.  I don't FEEL too effed up, but yeah...I am.

Hopefully I don't get too bad an anxiety attack before my first day at the new job (Monday).  I sure as shit can't take meds before I show up.  After maybe - haha - but not before.  I AM very excited to start the new job, don't get me wrong....but knowing I have anxiety makes me anxious about getting anxiety.  Make sense?

Oh well - I'll just deal with it and get through it, and eventually the whole thing will be old and comfortable.  Just like me.


  1. I hope it all works out and its not too bad of an adjustment for you.

  2. Hopefully the new job works out great! And you can balk at more moolah!

  3. You're going to do great at your new job. Can't wait to hear the new stories!

  4. Hope Monday treats you well..I have been at war with my thryoid for a few years. Make sure they are checking your labs often. Too much replacement can make you feel jittery as well. Good Luck

  5. I know what you mean, sweetie. Sometimes worrying about getting anxious is the worst part. And I HATE wandering around. I hate feeling like a spectacle. Nobody gives a crap if I'm walking around looking for something, nobody notices, I KNOW this, but I'm certain every single person is scrutinizing me. It is such a shitty feeling. *hug* I hope your Monday goes very well!! :)

  6. Hang in there. I hate change too!!