Tuesday, June 16, 2009

down the rabbit hole

Tomorrow I have an appt. with my psych lady - actually a psychiatric assistant - and I am totally dreading it.  First of all, I HATE going to the doctor.  At least when I have to take baby girl, I can get over my yuckies and know it is for her own good.  That usually gets me through it.  Although I had to take her to a new doctor yesterday, and I swear to god I almost threw up half a dozen times while there, just due to my anxiety.  *note to self, do NOT go to dr. on a full stomach*
No I didn't puke, just was very very uncomfortable, and kept my eye out for the nearest garbage can JUST IN CASE.

Luckily I am at a point with my anxiety where I KNOW I probably won't puke or pass out, but if I do, it isn't the end of the world.  I honestly don't care what people think of me, but a huge part of the anxiety comes from being made a spectacle of.  Weird, I know, cuz I am a very outgoing person and tend to be the "life of the party" if you will.  Then again, I usually have drinks while out, so that probably has a LOT to do with it.

Anyways, I have to go see psych lady tomorrow, which means bringing baby girl downtown, parking in the parking garage, walking over to the proper building, and waiting in the waiting room.  I DO NOT LIKE THE WAITING ROOM.  If I could go to the doctor and not wait, I think I would be just fine.  I usually make sure I have a water bottle on hand to sip from, and a shit ton of mints to suck on in order to take my mind off things.  Bringing baby girl helps a lot too, cuz I can focus on her. I also tend to try and figure out what the hell is wrong with my fellow waiting room patients...although it is not that obvious.  Still, I like to make things up in my head.

Schizophrenia there....a little manic depression over there....OCD lady by the purell bottle repeatedly sanitizing her hands....yeah.

When I finally get called in after 30 minutes of waiting, I get to listen to said semi-doctor lady tell me about HER life.  No joke.  I know all about her kids, her marriage, her pregnancies, c section, gestational diabetes, lack of (or too much) coffee for the day, new assistant...blah blah blah.  I have NOT spoken about myself since our first meeting almost a year ago.  Even then, it was only for about 10 minutes, going over my history of anxiety. 

Now, I have to listen to her TALK and TALK and TALK for a half hour.  It is excruciating.  Literally.  I almost can't stand to go.  And you know what?

She writes me a script for whatever I want, whenever I want it - within reason.  

Hello Zoloft, Klonapin, Ambien, Xanax, Valium.  Whatever.  She doesn't care.  Any she will write out massive quantities of them, too.  I didn't even know the one drug I was taking had a HUGE addiction potential, and that I was prescribed this drug multiple times daily with refills for 7 months.

It's nice to know these people are there to keep you sane, huh?


* for those of you that read this and think i'm a pill popping addict: my above statement was meant to convey my sarcasm at the medical community, and the lack of regulation in prescribing potentially dangerous and addictive drugs *


  1. Cool! Where can I get a doc like that?? lol. Seriously, though, can you not find someone who's a little more...ummmm....helpful?

  2. dude, i'm sorry i haven't been around this past week to help you out through what sounds like what has been a difficult week for you. hopefully we can catch up soon.

    miss my girlfriend!


  3. I understand the appeal of getting whatever you want whenever you want, without having to do the whole song and dance, but you seriously might want to consider seeking out some new help?!? Sounds like she doesn't take you very seriously. Yikes. *hug*