Friday, May 29, 2009

It's been awhile since I actually wrote anything of substance, so I thought it would be a good time to talk to my baby girl:

Hi Chloe monster!  My little C-lo, clo clo, monkey moo!  Your daddy and I have a million names for you, but those are our favorites.  =)

I cannot believe how much you have grown.  I swear, just last week you were bobbling your little head around when we pulled you up from a laying position.  Now, you are as sturdy as a sunflower at the top of its stem.  Ok, maybe your head is not *that* big, but its pretty awe inspiring!  Right now, at 4.5 months, you are off the charts in length (soooooo long!), but in the lower 30th percentile for weight.  You are going to be a tall drink of water when you grow up, just like your dadddy!  We are counting on you to use your height and looks to make tons of bank to take care of mommy and daddy forever. Soooo, maybe be a supermodel?  j/k!   Ok ok, or be a doctor, veterinarian, actuary, artist.  Whatever your precious heart desires.  You can be a stay at home mom, a dogwalker, or even a nanny like your momma.  Just do what makes you happy baby girl.  That's all we want for you.  You can stay at home as long as you want, but don't be surprised when we smother you with hugs and kisses every day.

Daddy might scare off a few of your boyfriends, but that's just b/c he loves you so much and only cares about your safety.  But don't worry...we will have PLENTY of secrets, and I'm sure there will be more than a few times where I let you do things you aren't supposed to do, w/o telling your dad.  But don't get me in trouble, and ALWAYS promise you'll call me if you are in any kind of trouble.

I was lucky - my dad made it very easy for me to go out and do pretty much whatever I wanted, and instilled in me the proper values so that I made good decisions when I was out.  If I made a mistake or got myself into a sticky situation, I always knew that I could call him, w/o worry of getting yelled at, and he would help me figure things out.  I hope that things will be that way between us.  

When you were little...about 2 months old, your daddy and I got tattoos of your name on us.  Mine on my neck, his on his chest.  We got them in celebration of YOU.  Your birth, your life, and our excitement of our future relationship with you.  I had a fleeting thought of "what if we grow apart?  What if we have a falling out?"  And that scared me a bit b/c of my history with my mother.  I haven't talked to her in 13 years, and I have no interest in doing so today.  It makes me sad that we have so few family members...your grandpa, myself, and your aunt elissa.  Oh, and your cousin Micah!  Who knows if your aunt's husband Mike will still be around when you are old enough to read this.  I really hope that he isn't cuz he is a huge tool.  Yes, a tool.  (That word will probably be obsolete in a few years lol)
But...we have your dad's side of the family, which is great.  Your grandpa and grandma M love you sooooo much, and have been there, doting over you from the moment you were born.  They always ask to see you, and miss you when they haven't for awhile.  Your whole family...including your extended family: Uncle Mark & Aunt Lauren, Uncle Jay, Uncle Ryan, Aunt Gail....are all SO in love with you, you have no idea!
They love you because you are ours, because you are beautiful, always happy, quick to share a smile, and so amazingly easy-going.  I never knew raising a baby could be so easy.  While you are only 4.5 months old, your daddy and I can't even remember life before you, and we can't bring ourselves to fathom life w/out you.

So baby girl, stay healthy and happy, and as perfect as you are now.  I have no doubt that you will continue to being us more joy than we ever thought possible.  

You are our world, and always will be.

Love,  Mom

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

In honor of Memorial Day: My visit to the U.S.S. North Carolina

Sunday, May 24, 2009

le holi DAY weekend

Happy Memorial Day weekend!  Enjoy the cookouts, drinks, friends, and days off.  =)

Thursday, May 21, 2009

just like me...

my twitter friends are all so great.  they drink too much, swear like sailors, and still manage to raise multiple kids w/ out long term scars.

each and every one of you is amazing.


Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Thursday, May 14, 2009

oh crap

Have you ever done something terribly stupid, kept doing it, and kicked yourself in the ass after you realized what you had done?  Probably huh?  Not as much as me.

Tonight, baby girl fell asleep in her crib in a REALLY funny position, and in my excitement, I took a mozillion and one pictures.  Unfortunately, my memory card was pretty full from the videos I took before of daddy torturing c lo (he made baby dinosaur noises and she burst out in tears and screams that would rival the best horror films), so I went and deleted a bunch of pics that I had taken days before.

But wait...

something's wrong....


oh crap.

All those pictures I just deleted had not been uploaded to my computer yet.  Shit.  Ok, maybe not a big deal to YOU, dear reader, but momma is a picture nazi and wants to document every single moment of your life until she can get an awesome DSLR (that I will use and write about with reckless love an abandon as soon as said camera is in my loving momma arms).  

So, my sweet baby girl, let me tell you what I just deleted:  You had slid over from a sitting, or rather leaning, cuz you can't sit up yet) position, and were laying on your side, slightly propped up on one arm and elbow, like you were posing or modeling like a 50's style pin-up girl a la Bettie Page (but w/out the raunchiness or bondage).  Ok, nothing like Bettie Page then.  

Anyways, your daddy made you grin the HUGEST grin, and I got the perfect shot on film...or memory card.  Whatever.  I got about half a dozen of those little babies, along with one of you crying.  Precious...and priceless.  And memories I want to keep forever.  But wait. Momma is a dumbass and just deleted them ALL.

I'm sorry baby girl.  I'll just have to recreate the moment tomorrow: dress you up in your dirty clothes, push you over until you catch yourself perfectly, and paste a smile on that pretty little mug of yours. And if that doesn't work, I guess I can use crayons.  =/

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mommy's first mother's day (what? today was MY day?)

Hmmm....mother's day was not at ALL what I had hoped it might be.  I know I shouldn't little family is healthy, we both have stable jobs, and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world for having the perfect little girl.  =)

(side note - I just saw the doctor who kept my baby alive on tv - she helped a family deliver a healthy baby at 34 wks when the momma's water broke at 17 wks!)  

Ok, now I feel TOTALLY bad about complaining about my lack of a holiday.  I know we are really really tight on money recently, but the bf could have gone and found me some wildflowers at least to bring home to me!  He has been gone ALL week (while I was super sick) housesitting for a friend....spent 5-5 at work, then home until 8, when he returned back to the other house for the night.  So...I had to take care of myself AND our baby (yes, I know this is what motherhood entails) while bf was elsewhere sleeping in a cali king with a toy fox terrier.  Harrumph.  Anyways, he came home today at 11, and just left at 10.  I made dinner of cabbage and noodles (so he could take it to work for lunch), and we played a little wii together.  Kind of poopy.  =/

But again, I shouldn't complain.  He ALWAYS does SO much to make me happy.  He did rub my legs and feet, which I take for granted.  He did empty and load the dishwasher.  He did make me feel sexy even though I have yet to lose the rest of the baby weight and I have been sick for a week.  lol  Also, he constantly brings me home gifts big and small:  knee high boots I had coveted for 2 months, beautiful flowers for no reason other than to say "I love you", even my macbook, which I adore and use every day.  =)  Not only does he give me material things, but he gave me our daughter.  What more could a girl ask for?  Oh about for the father to be an amazing dad.  

Yes, he is.  God, I am SOOOO lucky to have him.  He loves this little girl more than I ever thought he would.  She is his light, his world...and I know that he loves her more than me...and that's ok....because she is pure and perfect and beautiful.  I come in a damn close second, and I wouldn't have it any other way.  When he comes home from work, he tells her how much he missed her, and only he can make her smile the "biggest smiles."  

She is SUCH a daddy's girl and I love it that she is.  =)

So yes, I guess I can say that today was a wonderful mother's day.  I finally feel better after having been sick for a week, and I got to spend the day at home with my family....and there is no place that I would rather be...especially with my baby girl.

Friday, May 8, 2009


So, I've been dealing with sinus headaches for months and months now, and just got over daily migraines, so life was looking pretty good....for about a minute =( I started feeling sick last night, and woke up feeling like death. I'll spare you the symptoms, but it feels like strep and pneumonia combined. Not saying it IS...just what it feels like. I haven't been able to drink anything since yesterday afternoon, so I'm worried about getting dehydrated. Asked the b/f for some gatorade, but since I'm not drinking any right now, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say he forgot. *sigh*

He happens to be housesitting this week, and is caring for a tiny dog, too, so I understand that he can't be home with me ALL the time to take care of me, but I'm kind of pissed off that he thinks his responsibility lies in spending the night with this dog rather than with his baby and very sick girlfriend. ESPECIALLY since the doctor wouldn't see me today (they were booked apparently), and I've been contemplating going to the ER for hours. I despise the ER, but think that it can't be good that my chest hurts terribly when I breathe, and I have pain from my mouth to my stomach when I swallow anything. Yeah.

Oh, and did I mention that my 4 month old baby girl is home with me, too? Yes, it is probably a better idea to leave a girl who has been hospitalized for breathing problems with her chest-pain sick momma, who just wants to sleep, than to take her with him.

I am just sick and really annoyed right now. I know I could call him and ask him to take her, but I'm really stubborn and will just wait to bitch to him about it tomorrow. I still love him to death, but I swear he doesn't think sometimes.

And if you are reading this, honey, it would behoove you to come home tomorrow with gatorade and flowers in hand.

Mommy's Day Giveaway!!!

Hello all mothers!  One of the blog sites I follow is having an awesome giveaway for mothers day =)  Prizes include blu ray player, digital camera, laptop, and smaller prizes as well.  Just click on the button below and enter.

I hope I win!  (I never win anything)

Mothers Day 2009

Monday, May 4, 2009

who would have thought....

..... that the best night i have had in a long while was spent having a few drinks at home, twittering with other moms that i have never met.  thanks girls =)

Saturday, May 2, 2009


FYI I have horrible horrible anxiety, and am on some pretty strong meds for it.  I'll blog about my awesome anxiety later, but for now I'm just writing to note that my meds seem to be "wearing off" even though I am on the strongest dose of one and high dose of the other.  Soooo....I'm starting to go through SSRI discontinuation syndrome.  The worst parts are the vertigo and electric shocklike feelings in my head and hands.  

Time to switch meds again =(  In the meantime, I apologize to my boyfriend for the monster that may be unleashed in the meantime.  =P

p.s. I got some Heineken LIGHT today in deference to my diet/exercise program.  Go me.

some of my favorite pictures =)

my honey <3

sleeping beauty

chloe's godmother (bff 2)


more clo clo

my girl vegas

my favorite little dude 

downtown cleve


self portrait

my best friend in the whole wide world

baby nephew (now 20 mos old)