Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Just a bunch of daises (and nonsense)

Well well well....I started this post with no idea in mind, so I guess I will just type whatever comes into my head.

I still think about Maddie and her family every day.  I cannot even fathom my life without my little girl.  When we are home together, I just look at her and wonder at the girl that she will become someday.  I can't even wrap my mind around the fact that she will be a grown WOMAN!  Right now I want her to stay the same age:  4 months is perfect.  I don't mind the diapers, I don't mind the bottles and feedings at night (only 1), then one again around 6 am (which is still night for me!)  I'm a little bit afraid for her to grow up.  I only want one child, so....this is it.  I don't get a redo of these moments.  Sheesh, I had better get my camera out more often.

Speaking of which, I really want an SLR.  Digital, of course.  I have always loved photography (even had my own darkroom), but haven't had a decent camera in years.  I miss it.  So many times a day, I look at my girl and wish I could capture that moment.  I've decided that I WILL have a new camera by the end of the year...before Clo clo turns one.   Having a hobby again will be good.  I need things to keep me if having a baby isn't work enough...but you know what I mean.  I need me things.  Things that are "fulfilling."  Or so people say.  Harrumph!

My latest activity has been working out on the Wii Fit.  I really really like it!  I especially like the yoga and strength training...I can feel the soreness the next day, so I know it is working.  =)  My doctor also recommended doing more exercise as a way to keep post partum depression at bay, as I am a likely candidate for it.  I have HORRIBLE HORRIBLE anxiety, so take the max dose of anti-anxiety meds for it, along with another anti-anxiety med supplement, and my ob said taking these meds predisposes me for PPD.  

I have certainly had my fair share of mood swings, and a bit of...the blues...I hope that's all it is.  I've never had true depression before, and I certainly don't want to start now.  I have too much to do, and so much to see and experience with my little love, Chloe.  I can't WAIT to get her out to the park...the pool...the beach!  Zoo, aquarium, everything!!!  

I never thought I could love and be in love with somebody/something as much as I am with her  =)

You are my world, beautiful baby girl!  And your papa is a pretty stand up guy himself.  ;)


  1. This was a great post... I so feel the same way about my little girl. I wanted her to be a boy so bad because I already had a little boy and that is all I knew. But I am so glad she was a girl. I am so close to my Kyra I think there is something about little girls!!!

  2. Hi, I found your blog through a comment on Heather Spohr's. This was a beautiful post. I'm a mom to just one little girl, and I completely understand how you feel :)