Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Just a bunch of daises (and nonsense)

Well well well....I started this post with no idea in mind, so I guess I will just type whatever comes into my head.

I still think about Maddie and her family every day.  I cannot even fathom my life without my little girl.  When we are home together, I just look at her and wonder at the girl that she will become someday.  I can't even wrap my mind around the fact that she will be a grown WOMAN!  Right now I want her to stay the same age:  4 months is perfect.  I don't mind the diapers, I don't mind the bottles and feedings at night (only 1), then one again around 6 am (which is still night for me!)  I'm a little bit afraid for her to grow up.  I only want one child, so....this is it.  I don't get a redo of these moments.  Sheesh, I had better get my camera out more often.

Speaking of which, I really want an SLR.  Digital, of course.  I have always loved photography (even had my own darkroom), but haven't had a decent camera in years.  I miss it.  So many times a day, I look at my girl and wish I could capture that moment.  I've decided that I WILL have a new camera by the end of the year...before Clo clo turns one.   Having a hobby again will be good.  I need things to keep me if having a baby isn't work enough...but you know what I mean.  I need me things.  Things that are "fulfilling."  Or so people say.  Harrumph!

My latest activity has been working out on the Wii Fit.  I really really like it!  I especially like the yoga and strength training...I can feel the soreness the next day, so I know it is working.  =)  My doctor also recommended doing more exercise as a way to keep post partum depression at bay, as I am a likely candidate for it.  I have HORRIBLE HORRIBLE anxiety, so take the max dose of anti-anxiety meds for it, along with another anti-anxiety med supplement, and my ob said taking these meds predisposes me for PPD.  

I have certainly had my fair share of mood swings, and a bit of...the blues...I hope that's all it is.  I've never had true depression before, and I certainly don't want to start now.  I have too much to do, and so much to see and experience with my little love, Chloe.  I can't WAIT to get her out to the park...the pool...the beach!  Zoo, aquarium, everything!!!  

I never thought I could love and be in love with somebody/something as much as I am with her  =)

You are my world, beautiful baby girl!  And your papa is a pretty stand up guy himself.  ;)

a momma's regression

Never once in my life did I think these words would come out of my mouth:  Big girl did a poopie!  The worst part about it is that I said them in a high pitched voice with a great deal of excitement.  Seriously.  I swore I would never babytalk...especially to my little C Lo, but there I was, marveling over a walnut sized poop nugget baby girl just squeezed out.  God help me.

Monday, April 20, 2009

little miss sunshine

I really think that I have the happiest little girl in the world.  She wakes up every morning with a huge smile on her face, and it stays there 'till she falls asleep.  I take that back - she even smiles in her sleep.  =)

Chlo chlo - you are the most amazing little person in the world.  And your daddy and I are head over heels in love with you.  You are such a daddy's little girl, and I just know you will have him wrapped around your little finger as you get older.  You already do!  (Ok, you have me, too)

You are my sunshine (my brightest sunshine)
you ALWAYS make me happy, no matter the color of the sky
you will ALWAYS know how much I love you
you will be my sunshine forever and ever baby-bye

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

what i love about post-pregnancy...

While in the bath this evening, I wondered what on earth was rubbing on my waist.  Maybe a washcloth?  Chloe's rubber ducky?  Nope.  It was my own boob.  Awesome.

Why I love 12-4

So, a little background on me:  I am a 30 yr old (OMG) girl (yes, I still call myself a girl) with a 3 month old baby girl named Chloe and a live in boyfriend who is her father.  No, I have no plans to get married, but who knows...  I work as a nanny for 3 kids: 2, 3, and 6.  The 2 year old is Allie, short for Alexandra, and she is such a girlie girl, I love it!  

The 3 yr old is Ethan, and I swear he is going to be a football player when he grows up!  He is such a rough and tumble little kid.  He can run into a wall head first and not even complain when he gets a huge lump.


Brandon, on the other hand, is a very sensitive 6 yr old.  He is easily upset by things and likes to tattle on his brother and sister (his brother especially).  Still, he is my big helper, and I don't know what I would do without him!

Every day at 12 pm, Brandon hops on the bus to school, and Allie goes down for her nap.  Sooooo..... all I have to do is get little Clo clo to nap, and my afternoon is easy peasy pumpkin pie!  Hooray!  Right now, Chloe is kicking away in the swing, and Ethan is keeping himself entertained with Thomas the Train videos, so I am a happy girl.  =)  I just made some yummy pasta salad, and washed it down with water mixed with apple juice.  I always mix in order to get enough water in my diet each day.  And YES, I am dieting!!!  Just watching my caloric intake in order to get those baby pounds off.  20 down, 20 (at least) to go!!!  Wait, maybe I shouldn't use exclamation points for that last one.

Uh oh - have to wipe a bottom.  Duty calls!  ;-)   

Hello hello - I am new to blogging, but wanted to start now as a diary of sorts for myself and for my little girl, Chloe, who is now 3 months old.  I recently read about Maddie's story, and it hit way to close to home, and I have to say, made me quite emotional.  While Chloe was not born prematurely, she had a lot of health issues and complications at birth.  

Due to my water breaking early, and labor taking so damn long, even with pitocin, I ended up getting an infection in my uterus which passed into Chloe's blood stream.I had a 102 fever giving birth, and baby girl came out not breathing and completely unresponsive.  She had an apgar score of 3, if that gives you an idea of what it was like.  I got to hold her for a second (she had no muscle tone) before they coded her and a swarm of doctors and nurses whisked her away.  

Later that day, I got to see my little girl in the NICU, but only after she was stabilized.  Her oxygen levels were low (in the low 80's) whenever she was touched or moved, so she had to remain under a warm light on oxygen and monitored.  Not the way I pictured our first moments or days together.

 Finally, the next evening, Chloe was brought to my room so she could nurse, but after a few minutes she began hiccuping and turned blue.  Back to the NICU she went.  During this whole time, she was on antibiotics for her blood infection, which kept her pretty zonked out.  She looked awful, but she was my precious baby and I knew she would be ok.  On the 3rd day, she seemed better, and was able to room with me.  The doctors came in and gave me a lecture on what to look for in a baby that has trouble breathing: flared nostrils, sunken chest, bluish tinge...and said we could go home the next day.  I was excited to go home and get Chloe in a calmer environment.  

 I didn't leave her side for 2 weeks lol.  When I finally did, I told my bf that if he wasn't sure about ANYTHING (regarding her health) call 911.  I know infant & toddler CPR, but he hadn't taken a class yet so was a little nervous.    Needless to say, everything went well, and she thrived!  

Her weight is still in the lowest percentile (she has gained 3 lbs in 3 months) but she is getting loooooong!  Can you believe she still fits into her newborn clothes (even some preemie!) at 3 months?  I can't wait to get her in some 0-3 mo clothing that we have.  I'm tired of the smaller stuff already!

 Ok, off to bed for the night.  Tomorrow I'll write about our bad experience with clinic doctors and a 3 day stay in the hospital b/c of undiagnosed pneumonia  complicated by the flu AND rsv.  Amazing.


Love to all, especially Maddie and her family.